[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
isaacsapphire's InsaneJournal:
| Wednesday, September 17th, 2008 | |
| 12:52 am | Studying Slash Got the Constance Penley article in today. Yay! It's basically a discussion of Kirk/Spock (first Star Trek series) and the development of slash. Absolutely invaluable and the first acedemic thing I found. I had a photocopy of it two years ago, but it was in my backpack when it was lost (stolen, whatever the heck happened to it). It's fascinating to read about the early days of slash, back in the '70s. Heck, my mother would have been about the right age and I know she was a bit of a Star Trek fan herself, so we're talking literally a generation back. And seeing what's changed and what hasn't. It's pretty impressive to see how people used to actually pay for 'zines. Of course, people still pay for fanbooks that contain slash, it's just that most of the slash done now is distributed for free online. The internet changed things a lot. She estimates the size of slashdom at around 500 people. I'm sure it's a LOT bigger now, although I wonder how the size pre-Harry Potter compares to the current size, as I'm under the impression that HP brought in a lot of newbies to fanfic and hence slash. But, as much as I suspect that Harry Potter marked a serious change in the world of slash, best as I can tell the fountainhead is still Star Trek and K/S. So it follows logically that understanding where we are requires understanding not just how we got here, but also where we came from. Hence the importance of understanding the early days, back when computers ran on punch cards and photocopying was the best way to self-publish (and break copyright laws, too). Apparently Penley has a whole book on the early fandom (or at least half of the book is about that. The other half is about NASA.) I really should add that to my wanted list. Oh, and I just have to quote this bit from her paper, "Feminism, Psychoanalysis, and Popular Culture." 'It is probably been obvious to you from my tone her that I am, for the most part, completely ga-ga over this fandom.' lol. Don't see that in an academic paper everyday. There was that one paper on ESL and the Card Captor Sakura fandom that I used for my linguistics class a couple of years ago though... I just had to use it :D I also found out that Leslie Fielder (wrote Love and Death in the American Novel. Seriously, go read it. It's not hard to find and it's highly recommended if you are interested in slash and fandom, although it's not *directly* about that.) was a guy. I assumed the author was a girl, partly because I tend to forget that Leslie used to be a boys name and because the content of the book isn't the sort of thing a straight guy would go writing too often. (and apparently he was straight; married twice, had kids.) Also, on the same general topic, I've finally finished and "published" my first fanfic. It's up at AdultFanFiction.net under the same user name as I have here. That story is for the Devil May Cry (video game series) fandom. It's pretty hardcore, so please read the warnings and heed them. Reviews here, there, or anyplace else you find me are very welcome. Current Mood:  apathetic |
| Saturday, September 6th, 2008 | |
| 9:50 pm | Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog For some reason I want to compare this with Citizen Kane. Now, hold on please, all of you who are busy flipping out now. I don’t like Kane much and I thought Dr. Horrible was great. But here are some of the similarities, so you can understand why I think they are apples and apples. Both are the work of a genius given a free hand, Wells because for some reason someone was crazy enough to give it to him, Whedon because he was spending his own money. Both were made with the director also acting the lead. Similarly, the supporting casts are widely made of people the director had worked with before, so he was able to play to their strengths. And both, although Kane is serious and Dr. Horrible is humorous, chronicle the fall of a man. Ok, that sounded overdramatic. Nice use of color symbolism in Dr. Horrible by the way, with the change in the costume from being all white to being red and black. (Being as Kane is in “glorious black and white” it was a little difficult for Wells to do much of that…) Current Mood: okayCurrent Music: Kindgom Hearts |
| Friday, August 29th, 2008 | |
| 8:48 pm | Sarah Palin, vice prez Well, I'd been holding off making a decision about my vote until the vices were all in. I've voted for someone who was far from my first choice before as the lesser of two evils, *cough* Lieberman *cough* and I was hopping that wouldn't have to happen again. If Obama had picked a really good VP (from my perspective) and McCain a real looser (ditto) then I'd be hard pressed to make a pick; McCain isn't my favorite politician, although I like Obama only slightly more than I like Hillary. And I'll freely admit that a lot of my dislike of Hillary is on a personal level; I sincerely believe that she'd very much like to see me, or rather people in the several categories I belong to, dead and/or in camps and headed that way. Long story as to why and I don't feel like looking up the quote, but suffice it to say that I sincerely believe it. So, Sarah Palin. Oh My God. Let's elect her and who cares if McCain gets cancer again. I'm looking over her wikipedia bio and I can hardly stop from drooling. (Yeah, I vote from wikipedia. That's not necessarily a good habit, I know.) She's the most briliant choice; a chick, so all those people who were falling over Hillary because she didn't have a dick and felt like they were obligated to vote for anyone with a vagina should fall in line. She's Alaskan, so the whole oil thing's well in hand. She's young, not even fifty yet. She's got a son in the military, so no one can say she's got no personal stake in that. She's prolife and she's put her money where her mouth is by knowingly giving birth to a Down Syndrome kid. You can't say she doesn't know the cost and is being unfeeling, even if you don't agree with her. She wants creationism taught next to evolution, something that's important to me. She has a history of smacking down on corruption, regardless of the political party it was within. Heck, she's even pretty good looking, 'specially for a chick in politics. I hear she was in Vanity Fair a few years back. And, although she's against "gay marriage" she DID give domestic partners benefits from the Alaskan government. Heck, happy happy happy. This log-cabin Republican is in. I figure that's as good as it's getting for me. And as far as that little mini-scandal with her brother-in-law and the commissioner... Even if she did everything she's accused of, the jerk threatened the lives of her sister and father (in addition to a few other things, like breaking game laws... which I hear are kind of a big deal in Alaska) if I'm getting it right. If someone did that to me and mine, they could count themselves lucky if I just tried to get them fired. Honestly, anyone who pulls that kind of crap shouldn't be a cop, period. Current Mood:  ecstaticCurrent Music: CNN (Ok, that's not music...) |
| Thursday, August 7th, 2008 | |
| 9:37 pm | These days... Why is it that I can think of a thousand things to blog on, but the moment I actually sit down to write they all fall out of my head? Well, how about what I've been up to lately? I've been playing Devil May Cry (first game, I don't have a Playstation 3) with some sort of success and enjoyment, falling off of cliffs in Metal Gear Solid 3, and avoiding packing to move cross-country in less than a month. I've also been trying to get a student loan and transfer from one Walmart to another, which is proving harder than I'd thought. I hope I can make it work. Still, it looks like my dad really will co-sign this time like I need him to. I really need to pack... Letsee, random journal fragment that seemed suitable for general consumption (warning; not for small children. Actually, maybe you should leave if you are under eighteen or the age of majority in the country you are currently located in, which ever comes second.) You know, this isn’t 100%, but it’s pretty damn close; you can tell the difference between “yaoi”/fan(girl)art and gay/fan(boy)art based on cock size. I mean, yaoi boys are well hung and all, but there’s a level of ridiculousness that only guys seem capable of reaching. Or something. Guys seem to tend to be more detailed in that too. Of course, they have a better idea of what cocks look like, having one and all (duh) but I seriously doubt that’s the whole story. Devil May Cry fanart? Oh hell yeah, you can tell the two apart. I’m not going to hazard a guess at the nationality of most art (except that heavy tone use vaguely tends to be a Japanese feature as best as I can tell… and that’s a very general view. I think part of it is lack of availability of tone in other countries.) but I’m willing to guess the sex of the artist of a lot of the pieces. It’s a fandom that seems to attract a fair amount of guys. Well, it only makes sense, it is based on an action-adventure demon slaying video game, not exactly the natural habitat of girls, even fangirls. (Plenty of horny twenty-something guys though, regardless of sexual preference. Although what twenty-something guy isn’t horny? Actually, there’s some part of me that suspects that there may be more gay geeks/fanboys per capita than the general population. That’s just a very vague guess.) My sister knows; she asked me about weather I liked to look at two guys together today. I said that some guys like to look at lesi porn. She replied that that wasn’t an answer. I didn’t say anything to that. In truth, it’s just there, just like my attractions to girls. Both have been there as long as I can remember. Probably the first specific thing I can remember that caught my attention was (were?) Owen and Sean. I remember very distinctly getting extremely wet (an unusual occurrence in those days) watching them wrestle. (too many Ws in that sentence…) They were both hot alone, but together…? *air kiss* And there’s always the issue that I had two of my male characters kissing each other, I think before I even properly knew what homosexuality was. Spiritus naturalre yaoi indeed. |
| Thursday, June 19th, 2008 | |
| 2:08 pm | And so it ends Never thought I'd have need of this icon... Well, I had to kill it, I knew that. The same way you have to kill a mad dog or a vine that's choking your plant. You might feel regret, you might even cry, especially if the dog is Ol' Yeller, but it has to be done. Grown-ups clean up their own messes, even if this wasn't entirely my own mess. But it was, because I was the only grown-up there. That was my mistake, thinking I was dealing with grown-ups and forgetting that I was really dealing with fresh-out-of-high-school brats who had never spent a single day in the real world. You know, in retrospect, it probably would have been wrong to go after any of the others too. Kind of like emotional statutory rape. What sort of pathetic looser goes after innocent little homeschoolers? (answer: an ex-innocent little homeschooler) God, this means that even with a best-case scenario, I'm going to spend next year with my heart in a box. And the rest of my life the same way. The thought makes me want to cry. I want, and wanted, to do the right thing so badly. I didn't smack someone when this started. I thought about doing it then, making a clean wound and getting it over with for both of us. But I decided to play nice and we both ended up getting a lot more hurt then we needed to be. Next time, if there is a next time, I won't be nice. I'll just let the blast doors slip a bit and let them see who they are really dealing with. I'm paranoid in retrospect. I handled the whole thing wrong from the beginning, but some of that was truly my own inexperience. Granted, I was an idiot and ignored signs the size of a 747. I should have seen it. And I did know to a degree that I was taking advantage of her from the beginning. I guess I got my comeuppance. So no one will ever pay for my food or movie ticket ever again. And I'll have my own car so I'm not stuck that way either. That simple. I'll do without or even go into debt first. Not for me, not for them. Although I'm not entirely sure why I care about the other party. Maybe because I imagine a degree of innocence that isn't there. God, why am I letting this hurt me? I don't like her, I never liked her, so why does this hurt? I take responsibility for the whole thing, but is it really all me? It can't all have been. I am so sick of being the only adult in my relationships. So the end result of this fiasco is this; I'm firm in my decision that I'm never going to be involved with a girl because it just won't work, I'm going to be even more paranoid and defensive and distant than before, and I'm that much more wounded. I'll count it a lesson, and maybe cheaper than it could have been, but it's hard to put a happy face on this. Current Mood:  morose |
| 1:52 pm | Book Reviews And now your not-exactly-regularly-scedualed book reviews. Manga: The Complete Guide by Jason Thompson (and a bunch of other people too…) This book is not about manga so much as it is a catalog of all manga available at the time of printing (2007). There are magazine-like sections on different genres of manga and different issues in Japanese society, but the bulk of this tome (556 pages counting all appendixes) is short reviews. Unfortunately, despite the length of the book, the reviews are too short and of uneven quality. Most I vaguely agree with, but there are several that are either ridiculously over-positive or, conversely, feel like they were written by someone who was burned out and cynical. Ultimately, the only people who will find any use for this book are parents and other authority figures (or people who need to convince such authority figures…) as the provided age recommendations and overview of potently objectionable content will calm (or not…) fears. If you actually need information on these titles and decent, balanced, up-to-date reviews, there a literally hundreds of sites on-line catering to this interest. This book is a waste of trees, not that I’ve never seen worse. Dragon Champion by E. E. Knight Having a dragon as a protagonist in a serious story set in a traditional Tolken-esque fantasy world seems somewhat original, but there isn’t much groundbreaking here. Auron is a somewhat likable character, however I hope a hero who occasionally kills and eats people isn’t past your squick point if you are thinking of reading this. The book lacks a clear direction or compelling plot and the ending feels rushed and tossed together. If you really like dragons, you’ll probably like this book. Otherwise, give it a miss. Geography Club by Brent Hartinger I continue to read gay young adult novels as I find them, mostly finding dogs. This one, thankfully, isn’t a complete loss. The first person voice is believable, and the characters do manage to avoid feeling too much like stereotypes. The ending is believable but not melodramatic. The setting is conveyed horribly though; I didn’t even realize the story was taking place in an ocean-side town until there was a scene in a beach house. The ending is not all sweetness and light, thank god. The bottom line: Not great, but tolerable if you have to read gay young adult “literature”. Also short (226 pages, but it’s small format, the type is large, and the lines are far apart.) |
| Thursday, June 5th, 2008 | |
| 6:27 pm | The Future Well, I've sat down and done the math, and I'm at least going to be able to pay off my debt for last year before the beginning of the next school year. How soon before is a question though. I have to be able to register a little before the first day of class, you know? And then there's the whole issue of how to pay for this next year. I'm unsure how much the changing economy is going to make it harder to get a loan. I'm pretty sure I'll have to get it co-signed too. My dad's said he'd do it, but he said that before and then took it back, so I'm not going to believe it until the ink's dry. I really don't know if I'm going to be back at Taylor this year, and just like last time I'm not going to let myself believe it until I'm actually moved in on campus. But it's not that easy. Even if I do manage to get back to Taylor and (finally) get my diploma, I'm not sure what good it's going to do me, besides nine months of fun and $20k of debt. I don't believe that I'm going to be any more employable with the diploma than I am without it. So I was stupid when I chose this course. I'd say I regret it, but I'd regret going in for Business or Accounting more. I just wish I could think of something people would actually pay me enough to live on and buy my pills that I wouldn't hate doing. I hate the idea of being stuck breathing canned air for the rest of my miserable life, going home to be alone. I hate it so much that I want to kill myself if that's all there is. But then I remember that no one's making me live normally. I don't have to be white-picket-fence if I don't want to (or can't...) So I'm thinking that splitting for some far place and doing something weird might be a good idea. Especially if the alternative is killing myself. For some reason Australia, Texas, and Alaska have always sounded like good places to go for a while. So yeah, I’m just going to run and hope that somehow my shadow doesn’t manage to follow. I already know it’s not going to work though. Where the hell can you meet people besides bars and churches? I don’t like either, so I doubt I’ll much like the people who hang there, but I don’t know where else one would find people. And it’s a bad idea (when it’s not outright illegal and/or immoral) to get involved with your coworkers. And I’m so frustrated that I keep on seeing high school students and thinking they are hot. I’m too old to be thinking that; it’s statutory rape for godsake, even if I wouldn’t get in trouble probably as I’m a girl. And then I see other people and think they’re hot and it turns out that they are old enough to be my parents. I feel like such a pervert. And I feel so lonely. I’ve had a number of shrinks through the years, starting back sometime in high school (although really they should have started earlier. Maybe things would have turned out better if they had.) And there are a few things they’ve said to me that’ve stuck in my head. One of them, she was surprised when I said that I was terrified of people seeing the real me. She said that most people think that others would like them if they could only see the real them. I don’t understand that at all. I don’t understand how anyone could not feel that they are a horrible despicable person, that everything about them is wrong and is both congenitally wrong and is wrong because they have intentionally, maliciously made it so (yes, I know that’s a contradiction) I don’t know how anyone could feel that they are fit company for humans, that their body isn’t something that deserves to be burned, that their mind isn’t something that should be shut away, that their words aren’t just unpleasant babbling and talking back. I don’t know how it feels to not hate myself for all that I’ve done wrong, for all that I’ve failed to do. I’m baffled to think that some people don’t live like this, but I’m jealous as well. Whatever. They are probably retarded or something. Current Mood:  cynical |
| Thursday, May 29th, 2008 | |
| 8:26 pm | Get Backers and... The Matrix? So I managed to blast through the Get Backers anime in oh, a week or two. The quality seems to drop off significantly after episode 25, not to say that the later episodes aren't amusing, but they lack the same spark. I happen to have the manga through volume 6, but that only reaches to the beginning of the Infinite Castle arc (need more money to buy more manga...) So, a little mindless pondering then, now that you know the extent of my knowledge; In episode 23 of the anime, there are a couple of fights against large numbers of (identical) virtual opponents. It reminded me of the 100 Agent Smiths brawl from The Matrix Reloaded. At least the anime version of the Infinite Fortress seems to have various similarities to the Matrix, including the fact that willpower can be used to manipulate the environment. Ginji is mentioned as being a sort of Messiah. In The Matrix Reloaded, how did Neo stop the Sentinel? One theory among fans is [i]electrokinetic[/i] abilities. Interesting, ne? Unfortunately for anything more than pointless mind games, the release dates for the two is such that I rather doubt they influenced each other (both The Matrix and the Get Backers manga series debuted in 1999). Still, it’s fun to think about. Further ponderings; Why the heck was Ban in Infinite Fortress to begin with? I want to guess that it was a suicide run, but that could well just be my overdramatic side getting the better of me. Ban’s background seems distinctly upper-class; he actually knows about the fine arts, has been to France, and can play the violin well enough to pass as a professional violinist… to professional violinists. The real thing is always the hardest to fool, if it’s even possible to fool them. So what the heck is he doing living out of his car and starving half the time? It seems like in the end, the character we (and maybe even the other characters) know the least about is Ban. Akabane is mysterious in some ways, even to himself it seems, but at least his motivation is pretty clear; he wants to know more about himself, to do that he needs to find challenging people to fight. Hence, any time he thinks he’s got a chance at fighting a challenging person he’ll take it. Simple, direct motivation. Clearly, Ban wants to protect Himiko and Ginji, although he seems pretty confident in Ginji’s ability to take care of himself. So I’ve produced more mindless smut and drabbles in the last few weeks than in the rest of my life combined. Maybe I’ll eventually polish a few of them up for the world to burn it’s collective eyes on. On the positive side, I’ve been writing my own stuff like crazy at the same time. Hm, I wonder what I should watch next? I'm thinking Mein Leib or God Save Our King?! That's of course assuming I even own them... Comments of any flavor welcome... |
| Thursday, May 22nd, 2008 | |
| 9:43 pm | Things you aren't allowed to say A few days ago, there was an article in the Wall Street Journal about a kid who got expelled from college AND sent against his will to a mental institution for the weekend. What for? Turning in a story about someone who was contemplating committing a school shooting. For me, this is very much a "there but for the grace of god go I" type thing. I had a near miss on this sort of thing myself. In retrospect, the fact that the violence was obviously taking place in an alternative universe (and was explicitly stated as being geographically someplace around Kazakhstan.) probably helped, but even so, a first-person story about committing mass murder wasn't the wisest thing to turn in. The guy who got expelled said in the article that he wouldn't write something like that again, that he writes about butterflies and rainbows now because he wants to get back in. But seriously, what sort of writing does this leave us with? This makes it so clear that students are NOT free to write what they want, to make the political statements they want, without fear of severe repercussions and even involuntary confinement (what else can you call being committed to a mental institution?). So me, I think I'll turn in stories about butterflies and rainbows, stop using the first person, and save that dark stuff for actual publication. I feel a story about someone upset about the implications of this event contemplating committing a school shooting coming on now.... ---------------------------------------- In other news, I'm writing horribly smutty fanfiction now, specifically for the Sayuki and GetBackers fandoms. And maybe I'll even finish that second Pandect fic... Current Mood: cynical |
| Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008 | |
| 12:22 am | Book Review Boy Toy by Barry Lyga. For the most part this is a book I wish I'd writen; an unusualy honest approach to a taboo subject; the story of a boy who was sexualy abused by a female teacher. The writeing is good, if not epic. My one big pet peeve about this book though is that it is well reserched... except in one thing. Upon first visiting the teacher's house, the boy (twelve years-old at the time) exclames, "Xbox, PlayStation, and Nintendo!" The story goes on to say that her husband is a game tester, and so has the latest games. Now, what is wrong with this picture? No twelve year-old would say "PlayStation and Nintendo" for the systems contemporary to the XBox; those systems are the PlayStation 2 and the Nintendo GameCube, usually called the GameCube, never called a Nintendo. Such a stupid mistake in an otherwise good book. |
| Tuesday, February 5th, 2008 | |
| 5:15 pm | Ok, fun time! 1) Are you currently in a serious relationship? A. 2) What was your dream growing up? A. 3) What talent do you wish you had? A. 4) If I bought you a drink what would it be? A. 5) Favorite vegetable? A. 6) What was the last book you read? A. 7) What zodiac sign are you? A. 8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where. A. 9) Worst Habit? A. 10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride? A. 11) What is your favorite sport? A. 12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude? A. 13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? A. 14) Worst thing to ever happen to you? A. 15) Tell me one weird fact about you. A. 16) Do you have any pets? A. 17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly? A. 18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!) A. 19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary? A. 20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? A. 21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? A. 22) What color eyes do you have? A. 23) Ever been arrested? A. 24) Bottle or can soda? A. 25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? A. 27) What's your favorite place to hang at? A. 28) Do you believe in ghosts? A. 29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time? A. 30) Do you swear a lot? A. 31) Biggest pet peeve? A. 32) In one word, how would you describe yourself? A. 33) Do you believe/appreciate romance? A. 35) Do you believe in God? A. 36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you? A. |
| Monday, January 21st, 2008 | |
| 7:58 pm | Well lookie here And I would have sworn that it's impossible to get to a blog site that isn't for preschoolers (and even then not likely) through dad's psychotic filter, but here I am. I doubt it'll last long, but I'll enjoy it while it does. So let's see... I had yesterday and today off, which is the first time I've had adjacent days off for months. I made soup for dinner for the family (made extra that I'll eat at work too), drove my little brother to get some stuff for the truck he's rebuilding (fronted him some money for it too, but he's got good credit), got a new horn from my car while we were at it that he's going to install for me (the one in my car now is quieter than a bike horn. Not safe), also played FFXII earlier. And then I come home to discover that the internet is finally fixed (It's been busted since before Christmas). Also cleaned my room some; boxed up some books. Current Mood: blahCurrent Music: Little brother's playlist |
| Tuesday, December 11th, 2007 | |
| 6:05 pm | A bit of an update Well... I've got a final I haven't really studied for in less than an hour (not that I'm worried or anything), but I'm going to take a little while writing here. First, I've had a whole new set of stories insisted on bursting out. So, let me announce the existence of a gang of musicians newly moved into my head. Further details to follow. Second, stuff's been changing over in Triworld. It had kind of stagnated for a while and I was letting it sit (I have to do that every so often) when "wham" I had a whole bunch of revelations that expanded the story a lot, explained stuff that hadn't really made sense before (always a good sign when a new element pops up), and generally seems to fix a lot more things than it breaks. Although I'm going to have to go through everything and fit it in by hand and it's going to take forever. I'm a little worried about who I'm going to talk this one out with though, as my mom (a usual sounding board) isn't going to work, my sister (another past sounding board) isn't willing, nor would she necessarily be much good anyway, and... Well, there is M at work. He might be able to actually give some useful input and he might be willing too. Alternatively, I'll have to try to get someone on-line to help me. Still all alone here. I'm wondering if I'm just going to die alone like this. I'm realizing that I'm a very class-conscious snob, but if I wasn't upper-class in thinking, I wouldn't care if I was a snob. There's some sort of paradox in all this. I've decided to stop apologizing for being on the winning side; it's just stupid. We won, you lost, tough shit. I'm not going to say sorry for being better than someone. I'm not sure how far the implications of this are going to carry. I guess I'll find out. |
| Wednesday, November 7th, 2007 | |
| 6:38 pm | A few book reviews Godplayers by Damien Broderick They say you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but everyone does. And Godplayers has a beautiful cover. The story itself is on the one hand very modern and on the other hand in the style of nostalgic science fiction (is that an oxymoron?), reminiscent of some of Heinlein's work in tone. Also in the sex. I'd like to praise this book and I certainly like it, but there is at least one glaring plot hole (first he is worried that Lune, the girl he has fallen in love with, is his sister. Latter though, after he Knows she is his sister, he has not the slightest qualms about sleeping with her). The ending also made minimal sense, although that may be due to philosophical reasons rather than bad writing. It was fun while it lasted though, even if I had only the vaguest idea what was going on most of the time. Evening's Empire by David Herter Another fantasy book, or at least it's published by Tor. It alternately seems like a conventional novel, a "cozy" mystery, and crack-inspired dream of cheese and Atlantis. For a while, I thought Herter was going to use the "it was all a dream" excuse, and in this case I almost would have been glad of it. There's a lot of weird symbolism involving cheese, 20k Leagues Under the Sea, and music. "Downstairs" from the town of Evening is the remains of a lost civilization of tiny non-humans. Ok, fascinating idea. Only problem is that there are a huge number of elements that never fully develop, characters don't respond to events in ways that make sense (no one ever suggests calling in scientists. Not once)and there are hints that the former denizens of Evening may still be around, but this is never followed up on. A book filled with good ideas, too many good ideas for one book and not one of them properly used. Read it if you want to steal some of those ideas. I promise you, they won't be missed. My Father's Scar by Micheal Cart Ah, the gay novel. The stereotype for gays does not include writing ability. There is a reason for this and this book illustrates it very well. Symbolism is used heavy handedly, characters are more like caricatures, the "bad guys" are cardboard cutouts, there is no sense of place or time although there should be both, and there is nothing to either the plot or the characters beyond their gayness. The tree died in vain. Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson Snow Crash was not Stephenson's first published book, but it was the first one he became well known for. Given that Snow Crash is one of the essential books of the Twentieth Century IMHO (for reasons beyond the quality of the writing, although that is good), it was a tough act to follow. However, Stephenson did a fantastic job with The Diamond Age, cementing his reputation as a science fiction writer. Cryptonomicon is not a science fiction book though; it is historical fiction. Well, historical and approximately present. There are two plot lines, one in World War II, the other around now. Several of the characters in the modern plot line are the descendants of characters from the WW2 plot line, and a few characters show up in both times. The WW2 line is impeccably accurate and at the same time imbued with a vibrancy rarely seen in historical fiction. Stephenson's ability to take usually boring subjects and make them fascinating rears its head, as does a tendency to spiral off on fascinating rabbit trails. Even though there are a ton of characters, each is clearly drawn, real, and ultimately likable. I actually cried a little at a few of the deaths, and I am NOT a person who does that. The ending, an area Stephenson has had problems with before, is crisp and logical. The only plot hole is that one character who is very clearly dead shows up latter, unharmed and hardly even aged. Perhaps he is supposed to be magic. That aside, this book makes me want to name one of my kids Neal, if I ever have one (between Stephenson and Gaiman, what better reason could there be?) |
| Tuesday, October 30th, 2007 | |
| 5:33 pm | The cost of The Road I decided a long time ago, maybe back when I was in Jr. High, that I would be intellectually honest with myself. If I concluded that Nazism was correct, I would be a Nazi. I didn't, but the possibility had to be open. Now maybe this isn't really a big deal. But there are other things, issues where I differ with the vast majority, times when I have questioned the unquestionable, like "is democracy really a good thing?" I'm not being incredibly coherent here, but the issue is that for me, my highest goal and ambition is to find and follow Truth, wherever it may be. And the upshot of that is that I really can't describe myself as a Christian anymore. I've told my mom (Yes, I'm one of those pathetic people who live with their parents after age 18 and who's best friend is their mother) about it, and even she seems pretty bent out of shape about it. My problem is that Christianity has changed so much since it's inception that if the original was True, than what we have now isn't because it's so far away. And if the original wasn't True, it'd be pretty surprising if the modern rendition is True. I'm not saying that anyone's not sincere in their beliefs, I am simply commenting on the accuracy of those beliefs. I’m not saying intelligent people can’t be Christians; intelligent people turn their brains off on all sorts of subjects; sex, money, politics, all the biggies really. Being able to brilliantly program computers does not translate into being able to do laundry well. But basically, I’ve just shot myself in the foot and it’s not going to get me a ticket out of the jungle. Now I’ve cut myself off from the largest group of people who at least have similar morals to me, alienated my family, and I’m terrified of dying. What am I supposed to do, put an ad in the paper looking for philosophical/political beliefs: weird? Weird doesn’t even cover it. Current Mood: okay |
| Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007 | |
| 3:01 pm | Work I've been thinking about jobs. In a more abstract way I mean. I do that kind of thinking a lot, and as best as I can tell, I eventually do it with every part of my life, from religion to bowel movements. But about jobs; I've been thinking about what exactly it is about my current job that I don't like, besides not being paid enough (in truth, while I need the money badly, low pay wouldn't put me off from a job I liked). I guess it's a variety of things; the antipathy of the other employees, the customers, the smell of canned air that you can't even notice until you've been there a few hours, the repetitiveness of the job, and my perception of other people's perception of the job. All the problems tie together; the other employees have probably an average IQ of... say high 80s. I'm probably being optimistic on that. Granted, we have quite a few literally retarded people (it's good that there is a place they can contribute to society and earn their bread legitimately though) who bring the average down. But graduating from high school constitutes academic achievement here. Very few of them have Any ambition at all and work ethic is nonexistent. I'll be blunt; they are trailer trash. (Well, some of them are immigrants. They tend to be more ambitious and to at least have a work ethic, overall) As most of the employees at the place that I work are as I stated above, most of the customers assume that all of us are brain dead trailer trash and treat us accordingly. They also like to take out their general frustrations on us instead of getting self-control or therapy. On several occasions I have been held personally responsible for decisions the head of the company made. And that's not even getting into the horrific displays of "parenting" (it doesn't even deserve the name) I've seen. My hope for the future is decreasing every day. If these children are the future... And what we do to our children... and for what. God, it makes me cringe. I'm coming to hate myself. My IQ is decreasing by the day. Initiative and innovation are not rewarded and I am set on by crazy bitches on a regular basis. I am not given the physical tools necessary to do the job I am required to do (e.g. no spill clean-up supplies when I am required to clean up spills). I feel like an utter and complete failure. I could have made it out, but I reached too high too soon (so I was young, innocent, trusting, and stupid). Current Mood: aggravated |
| Thursday, September 27th, 2007 | |
| 3:31 pm | Feeling increibly crappy I've been feeling really down. I had to go to church yesterday night. My Dad insists that as long as I live in HIS house, I go to church. I've slightly broached the subject of weather it's ok for me to not agree with his religion exactly, hypothetically of course, and the answer didn't seem really positive. So I lie. I lie to other people who knew me when I was in my fanatical phase who assume I'm still a Christian, to people who meet me in a church and assume I'm a Christian. It's easier to lie; otherwise I get an endless lecture that usually works out to, "The BIBLE says so." or "I say so." or "Some important person says so." Yeah people. I'm impressed. If anyone cares to argue, please remember that I've been known to argue circles around Bible College students (and that was back when I Was a Christian), and unless your argument is Very original and creative, I've heard it before. Don't waste your time restating John 3:16. So The Bible says such and such. So what? There's a stupid book on the NY Times bestseller list right now that claims to have all the secrets of life-bla-bla-bla in it and it's hardly the only book (ancient or modern) to claim such a thing. And if you are good enough to give me stuff about how we have more and earlier manuscript of the Bible than any other ancient document (congrats for at least making an effort to come up with a vaguely good argument), but ya know, nobody's trying to get me to make life changing decisions based on Caesar’s Punic Wars. Got a little off track there, but I'm just so lonely. My own fragility scares me. I am sinking into myself and I feel as if I am watching the "best years of my life" run down the drain. I'm riding the ragged edge financially and I don't know how I'm going to be able to afford health care once I have to pay for my own. If my parents weren't letting me stay at home and feeding me I'd have to declare bankruptcy, which is rather bad style when you aren't even 25 yet. |
| Thursday, September 20th, 2007 | |
| 5:25 pm | No gods, Great men I like to say that there are no gods (calm down, calm down. I said little G gods, not the big guy in the sky), and I almost believe it. Almost. I'm pretty sure Heise, Wen-M, and Joss Whedon are gods. Or at least possibly in the running to be gods. The whole no gods thing started when I realized that movie stars and politicians and musicians and all are just people. People. No different from you or I, no better, no worse. When I was a little child I thought of adults as gods. When I got older though, I realized that wasn't the case. Half the time I knew more than they did. I continue to realize that there are no great humans, no high personages, or at least very very few living at any one time (Probably much less than 100). You don't get even one Alexander in a generation, forget about several. It just doesn't work like that. And if you do live in a time where there is more than one, heaven help you, 'cause you are going to need it. The world isn't big enough for more than one of the greats at a time. And that was a load of completely nonsensical crap, I know. I think the only actual information in it is that I have great respect for Heise, Wen-M, and Joss Whedon. But you quite possibly don't know who at least two of them are. Go find out (google is your friend). I won't promise you that you won't regret it, but I don't think you will. At least, I can't think of too many people who wouldn't enjoy Wen-M at least. And now for more randomness I am going to list off a few awesome movies Fritz Lang’s Metropolis. Yes, it’s in black and white. Yes, it is “silent” (It does have music). But it’s freaking awesome. Boondock Saints. Another thing you most likely never saw in theaters as it had an extremely limited theatrical release (ie. Three theaters, all in the same state, for as many nights). Delightfully violent and profanity filled. And sexy guy filled. The violence keeps my Irish Marine friends happy (as it’s their personal day dream) and the pretty guys keep the fangirls happy. And so both sides of my personality are sated. DVD bonus: Watch the deleted scene “Mom calls from Ireland” It’s hilarious… and it has @$$ in it. Boy ass ^^ Brotherhood of the Wolf. Subtitles!!! And Kung Fu. And horses! This is probably the only French Kung Fu Horror film in existence, but it’s way too much for a second to try to live up to, so it’s just as well. Violent (duh) and I heard it compared to soft-core porn someplace. I don’t really know to compare (see, I am still a little innocent. *no, it’s more that you are crazy*), but there are two (plot essential) rather long sex scenes. DVD bonus: you must watch the director’s comments. They are crazy long and as good as a film making course. Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. I was going to guess that maybe this one wasn’t rated R, but I checked and it is. Violence, clever plot, funny, realistic (in some ways), guys kissing. Oh, and if you insist on something you can watch with your parental units or younger siblings, I recomend Finding Nemo. |
| Tuesday, September 18th, 2007 | |
| 4:17 pm | The Classics Nothing much has been happening in my life recently, except for the first tests and papers of the semester. I feel "out of my depth" here, but in the being-stuck-in-the-splash-pool-again way, not in the fell-into-the-deep-end way. This is my NINTH semester! and I'm still getting baby crap info. On the other hand, this book I was reading, [u]The Homosexual Matrix[/i], had some quotes from Plato in it that (The quotes were pretty O_O inducing too, as I'd never seen the accurate translation before. I don't know if I really wanted to know that Socrates and Plato were lovers, although it is very important), combined with my lovely Western Civilization 1 class, has me craving fine old books. So I thought I'd inflict some of these on you. But, for some reason I'm thinking of sci-fi/fantasy classics instead of fine old written-before-I-was-born stuff. So that's what you get. These books may not get everyone going, but they all sold great and were very influential and are much imitated even to this day. Watership Down - This is a kids’ story written for adults, an adult’s story written in the guise of a children’s tale, and a book I've read over and over again not just because it's fun, but because I see something new every time. Dune - Dune is proof that you [i]can[/i] break every rule of writing and get away with it if you are good enough. The Once and Future King - Just amazing. I have whatever-the-word-for-an-obsession-with-K Lord of the Rings - Can't talk about fantasy without talking Tolkin. I feel kind of guilty sometimes that I'm not nearly as big a fan as some, but I did find it a bit hard to get through. I was happy I did, but it wasn't easy. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea - And you can't talk about science fiction and not talk about Vern. Lame-ass educational passages and now-offensive content should be overlooked for the fantastic story (and [i]Subtext[/i]). Snow Crash - As Jules Vern is to submarines, as Asimov and Clark are to space exploration, so Stephenson is to the Internet. That alone is reason enough to read Snow Crash, but it's also got a protagonist named Hiro Protagonist, a skateboarding heroine who accidentally manages to become the protégé of a mob boss, lots of dissembling about ancient Assyrian myth that won't be anything old unless you are into Biblical archeology (I am), a guy with his own personal nuke, pirates, a televangelist poised on world domination, and an atomic powered dog. There's probably supposed to be some stuff by Asimov and Clark in here, but I've never been their biggest fan and I can't pick out a good representative work, although Foundation is often quoted with Asimov. Oh, and don't forget Heinlein. I can't pick out a single work, not from unfamiliarity (although I hardly claim to have read everything he wrote), but from over familiarity. Heinlein wrote two sorts of books; kids and adults. These can be easily told apart; the adults ones have sex like crazy (to the point that I once heard some of Heinlein described as soft-core porn) and the kids ones have absolutely nothing offensive in them (of a sexual nature anyway). Picking at random, I'll say Starship Troopers (do not confuse with the movie, or the TV show for that matter. They are only vaguely related) for the kids’ book (it wasn't published as such, but it was written as one, as evidenced by the complete lack of sex and swear words) and... oh, this is tough. Stranger in a Strange Land is probably the "correct answer" but I almost want to pick one of the Lazarus Long books or The Number of the Beast. Current Mood:  thoughtful |
| Tuesday, September 11th, 2007 | |
| 6:41 pm | Nothing at all I had my first fight with dad since the summer last night. And I think I only had one fight with him in the early summer. He's got me by the short hairs, so I know fighting is at best a waste of time. I hate my life. There is nothing good in the future, just work limited only by what my body can take, and finals. I have no friends and the closest thing to a social interaction I've had in months has been with my siblings. The boys seem ok, but I'm a bit wary of H now. She's not as well balanced as she used to be. S and H like to take pot shots at me about still living at home. Mom is all like, "well, lots of college students move back in so they can pay off their debt :D" I've had two social conversations with people my own age who weren't related to me since the tail end of May, and one of them was literally retarded or obsessive/compulsive or something. I dropped the one class I could drop today. Now I don't have to be at the school until 11 am instead of 8 am so Tuesdays and Thursdays are now my sleeping in days. Maybe I should just give it up, throw caution to the wind and all that and go act normal. I said this to my mom and she says, "so what's normal?" and I said, "experiment with drugs, be promiscuous, get drunk." Of course, she's all, "that's not normal." so I reply with, "yes it is. something like 93% of the population has tried pot, and the rate for having had sex by my age is around the same. and nobody marries a virgin anyway." She tried protesting, but she knows the statistics as well as I do if not better. I don’t have moral reasons anymore for not doing these things, only practical ones. I also realized that the likelihood of me ever finding a mate is very slim. I have such a specific idea of what I want and finding it is near-impossible. Anyway, I’m such a poor specimen that it’s not as if such a fine person would find me attractive, assuming they liked girls at all. (so sue me, I like prettyboys) I’m also starting to suspect that perhaps I’m not cut out for marriage. I hate the idea of being tied to someone like that, of being someone’s property, of they being my property, of the complacency that overtakes all romance, of all my own insecurities and fears, and I know that there is no one who will be able to meet this. And don’t give me that god crap. I tried god, I tried him long and hard, and it didn’t work. Maybe if I was stupider and more sheep-like. So my current outlook is very bleak. Working dead-end jobs, no social life, a huge debt looming over me, not even enough money that I could afford to move out, constant looming possibility of being thrown out, and being trapped in Connecticut. |